The following was previously published as one of a series of reflections on the Living in Love and Faith course that we undertook here at Christ Church in 2021 as part of the Church of England listening and learning process called Living in Love and Faith.

Diocesan Synod’s are currently discussing the current status of Bishops’ proposals and these will be debated again probably in General Synod in February 2026. The proposals include the introduction of stand alone services for using the Prayer of Love and Faith and enabling clergy to enter same sex civil marriages as well as some form of pastoral arrangements including oversight by Bishops (Alternative Episcopal Oversight) by those churches and clergy who in conscience do not agree with these proposed changes. Meanwhile, the lead Bishop on this process has recently resigned and no replacement has yet been appointed.
 
2.  What if? – reflections on Living in Love and Faith: Engaging well
I’M RIGHT! YOUR WRONG! END OF!

“Heretic!”

“Homophobe!”

What if …..neither of these assertions were right?

It’s a simplification, but not a wholly inaccurate one, to signify the current debate on the issues at hand in Living in Love and Faith (LLF).

To disagree with current church teaching is to eschew all that is ancient, true and orthodox. To be a heretic.

To disagree with those who seek change is because you are unloving and hate people not like you. To be a homophobe.

And these disagreements push people so far apart that the only way they can engage is to throw brickbats and insults at one another from afar.
To counter this reality (or danger of it emerging) the LLF team (including our own Archdeacon Rosemary) devised Pastoral Principles to help participants in LLF to engage gracefully. In fact, the first session in the LLF course proper (the one designed by the LLF team, not ours) devoted itself to exploring how to engage well, how to listen etc That is one-fifth of the course!

We used that section as the first session of our course and it was time well spent. It culminated in some house rules which included all giving permission to say to someone else that they had stepped over the line of grace into gracelessness. The agreed response was an apology (and forgiveness) and to proceed on the graceful path.
We may not always have managed it but great efforts were made to stick to this intention.

Each session we opened with the same prayer:

We pray Come Holy Spirit. Grant us the openness to hear your voice. The wisdom to discern through your voice, your command and your heart. The humility to receive, to be challenged and to see things afresh as you lead us. In the name of your Son, our savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

We went on to consider those pastoral principles.

Firstly, Acknowledging prejudice by making ourselves aware of the pre-judgements we had made of people, arguments, issues. We all pre-judge others by what they say, how they look, what they do, roles they inhabit etc. By knowing our start point we can be challenged and listen afresh. We might not change our minds about the substance of the discussion but we will have had the chance to “test the spirits” and listen to what is actually said.

One key thing that came up on the course was “trigger words”. There are certain words that trigger a response in us that means we stop listening. Knowing your trigger words allows you to be aware and to actually listen to what is being said rather than our automatic assumption of what is said.

This was born out in questions that were raised during the course about the videos we used. Every time what was heard was not what was said but the response was triggered by the context of what was said. This happened on multiple occasions to several people.  Objection was taken to what was heard not what was actually said.

Secondly, Speak into silence by speaking about things never spoken of before. Finding the language to not be embarrassed in front of colleagues and friends. Say the unspoken, even where it remains unspoken through fear.

Thirdly, Address ignorance, not just about the issues but about the people we are engaging with, what they actually believe and why?

Fourthly, Cast out fear by being open about those fears and awareness of the fears others have. Being aware of fear allows us to calm those fears and speak in a way so as not to stoke them.

Fifthly, Admit Hypocrisy where the church or we say one thing and do another. There are plenty of examples. We are called not to defend hypocrisy but to acknowledge it and attempt to move away from it. Past hypocrisy does not necessarily make a current truth however. Having got things wrong in the past does not change God’s view of our world. Truth requires us to address the hypocrisy by living out the truth more faithfully and consistently in the future.

Finally, Pay attention to power which is not the same as position or authority. Some have power by their stature or the loudness of their voice or their intellect or their manner. It can also be judged by how others react to us. The aim is not to over-power but to engage.

These are helpful principles for all of life, not least church life. They enable grace to flourish, honesty to grow and openness to be the norm.

I commend these to you.

BUT for them to work there needs to be accountability. We all need to be able to say “that breached the principles” AND we all need to have the humility to accept that we have overstepped the mark, seek forgiveness, repent and proceed back on the pastoral path.

Two final thoughts.

What are the issues? How do we know?

The issues addressed by LLF are:

• What is a Christian Marriage and what is it for?
• What is sex for and what is a Christian understanding of sex and relationships?
• What does it mean to be human?*

(Firstly a note on the last one. LLF refers to “identity” which I have avoided using because it is a term that has certain connotations in everyday modern language that can be unhelpful; the issues of identity and where we seek it are addressed in later sessions. I tended to use the phrase “what does it mean to be human?”)
How we know the answer to these questions is to search for God’s mind on these things.

And, how do we search God’s mind?

Scripture.

Evangelical is a tainted word these days, especially in a US context. It derives from the Greek word for “Good News” and refers to a belief that faith centres on Jesus and that the most reliable source we have of the revelation of Jesus is Holy Scripture. How do we discern what scripture means? By diligent study, accountable discussion and the prophetic understanding that comes through the work of the Holy Spirit.

What we often find in this debate is extra-biblical argument that does not point us towards the will and ways of God. Often secular arguments are offered for change. Some arguments in support of current teaching, especially around the role of women and for marriage,  can be seen as too literal and verse specific.

In essence two key questions need to be answered – what is God’s design for marriage and what is sin?

These questions boil down to another – how important is scripture to our understanding of God’s will and ways?

So, if you have read this far and wondered what all the fuss is about, then that is why it is so important a set of questions to answer.

The Church of England traditionally stands on a three legged stool – scripture, tradition and reason. Many would see a change to the teaching of the church on marriage not so much about the ethics of sexuality and marriage and more about the importance of scripture to the overall doctrine and teaching of the church.

In short, if we can’t believe scripture on this, what else is in question?

Last week I welcomed you on the journey.

It is a bumpy road.

Hold onto the pastoral principles, they are an anchor as the waves roar around (sorry about the mixed metaphor!)

John Crysostem (344-407) wrote “It is from scripture that we will know whether we ought to learn anything or stay uninformed of it. And from Scripture we can refute what is false, from Scripture we can be set right and brought to a right attitude, from Scripture we can be strengthened and soothed; and if we lack anything from Scripture we can have it added to us”

From a commentary on 2 Tim 3:16-17:

^“16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the servant of God^[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

Wishing you righteousness and thorough equipping

Every blessing

Doug


I DON’T MEAN TO BOAST, BUT….